Rejection Letters Desperate to Not Hurt Any Feelings
By: Val Bodurtha (Twitter: @valbparker IG: @valeriebodurtha)
Rejected on October 15, 2019
We receive a number of excellent submissions every reading period. Unfortunately, your story was not among those selected for our magazine. Thank you for sharing your vision with us, and we apologize that it’s a “no” this time. This is not a reflection on your work, and we hope you submit again in the future.
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Thank you so much for your submission. We had a blast reading your story, we promise. But, we’re not ready to publish this story at this time. It’s just that it’s not exactly right for us, right now, you know? We really enjoyed it, don’t get us wrong. It’s not the story, it’s us. We love your story, but we’re not in love with your story. Does that make sense?
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The passive voice shall be used. The story was not selected. No feelings on how this reflects on you should be internalized. We are not culpable. We are not culpable. We are not culpable.
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Wow. This story was breathtaking. You have a true poetic soul. Which is why it’s so sad that we won’t be using it for this issue. We just can’t. And we can’t explain why. Not here, not now. Is it a no this time? Yes. Was your story the single greatest piece of writing we’ve ever read? Definitely.
(sigh)
Ships passing in the night. Thanks for understanding.
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Man, this one was close! We feel like if you just tried one more time, that would do the trick! For reading fees, we now take Mastercard, Visa, and Venmo! You’re welcome!
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Frank quit. The man just quit, okay? When he heard that your story didn’t make it into this month’s issue, he stood up and, without saying a word to anyone, walked out the door. That was two days ago. His jacket is still draped over the back of his chair. Frank’s wife called us yesterday to ask if we had heard from him, but nobody has. She sounded...I mean she sounded the way any of us would, I suppose. They’re running a check on his credit cards now, just hoping he’ll pop up somewhere. Things have been different around the office, to say the least. So yeah, we turned down your story. But if it’s any consolation, it broke a man mentally and tore a family apart.
Maybe next time!
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You is kind. You is smart. You is important. It’s a no.
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For all of the work we receive, we’re eternally grateful.
Usually it’s tricky when there’s more than a plateful.
Can there be too many writers, too many who care?
Kings among men, those who write, who even dare.
Not wanting to come off too harsh, too caustic
On paper, so we decided to use an acrostic.