Local Writer Frames Letter From God After Prayer for No More Rejections is Rejected
BOSTON—After a night of binge drinking and crying, local writer Matty McDermott decided to frame his letter from the Lord that swiftly rejected his fervent prayer for no more rejections. Where other writers might’ve seen such correspondence from a heavenly deity as a sign to call it quits, McDermott saw it as inspiration. The writer plans to use the framed letter as a motivational reminder to his future self that at one time even God thought he sucked and would never amount to anything.
“Sure, it stings a little now, but when I’m an award-winning writer in the New Yorker, I know I’m gonna look back at this letter and laugh right in God’s big stupid face,” said McDermott, staring at his letter and muttering the Lord’s name in vain under his breath.
When asked for comment on why McDermott’s passionate plea was denied, God pointed out “This ain’t the first time McDermott’s been rejected. Look, the kid’s prayer was stiff, flat, full of cliches and stuffed with syntax errors. It felt like it needed another five drafts at least. Took me one read through to send it straight to the garbage heap with the rest of the other heathens.”
McDermott’s mother confirmed that God’s letter marks the 60th rejection the writer has received this month. She also confirmed that there is no shame in McDermott asking his father for a job at the family’s furniture store, if this “little writing hobby” doesn’t work out. “Damn it, ma! I’m gonna be a writer! This is just part of the process,” said McDermott. The writer believes that with a couple more rounds of edits, his next prayer will please the omnipotent being above, and he’ll finally get to be a published author and prove all the idiots out there and his parents wrong.