It Is Not Me

By: Tiayona Saul

Unpublished

IT is everywhere. I can hear IT. I can feel IT. IT has never showed it’s self willingly but I sneak peak anyway. I cannot control IT. IT speaks and it rants. IT drives me crazy. Hard to silence IT. Schizophrenia? No. It cannot be. I never heard IT’s voice. IT certainly is not. I don’t think so. Loneliness is a friend. It brings me comfort. Lost in my thoughts, my future, my past. When it is dark and silent I know IT is here. I can feel it’s gentle yet sinister embrace. Do not give in to IT’s sweet talkings. Do not fall, do not forget. Distractions, drugs anything to calm this racing mind from slipping. Slipping too far away from grasp, from control. Watch IT away. Smoke it away. Eat it away. Phone is ringing. Friends wanna talk. I do not want to. I watch it ring and ring and ring and ring. It stops and my dilemma continues. Some days IT is quiet. Some days IT is too loud and IT has to be silenced. I try. I can feel IT growing and IT will not stop. IT needs to stop, needs to be controlled, to be dominated, to disappear. Crazy? No, certainly not. Lost too deep in my mind, Yes. Help? Im not sure if anyone would understand. To weak to make anyone understand. Just manage IT. I toss in turn in bed at night. I take pain killers to melt IT away too often. Cannot focus somedays. I feel like a dazed zombie in another dimension. Some one please tell me that I am not alone, I am not the only with IT lurking behind this broken smile, this paranoid mind, these sunken eyes and slipping soul. I refuse to think I am alone. IT will not win.

I can feel IT.

I can hear IT.

IT is here.

I know now.

IT IS NOT ME.